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As noted previously, father is unwell, and in fact doesn't feeling up to driving to Cambridge today, so I have the day to myself, since I didn't feel like going to Picocon.
So, I'm engaging in a little navel-gazing, particularly having irritated two friends last night; ironically, one I offended by being too close, the other by being too distant. Bah
I think I need to actually sit down and sort out some direction in my life, *again*. I've been drifting along for some time now without having to, and having a LDR helped in that regard - life might have been difficult, but at least it was predictably so. Now I've got to decide on my elective for next year (which has considerable career directions), and sort out my social life before I *really* offend people.
On the elective front, clinical anaesthesia is looking like a good option - there are some interesting visits, and anaesthetics are quite funky things (even before you get onto opioid analgesics :). I'm not sure if it's a doss-elective or one of those that leads onto internships/PhD opportunities, I'm going to enquire of the organiser, and hope it's the latter. I also need to ring up Stornoway, since they're apparantly ignoring my letters, and see if I can actually arrange some OVS work with them - since I *must* have that sorted by the time I sit my Part II exams next term. Then my work-uncertainty will be sorted for now. Or at least, I'll know what I have to do in the next 18 months or so. There's still the uncertainty of whether I'll pass next term's exams, and whether I can deal with a year of clinical rotations - I'm just not sure enough I want to be a vet (in the "general practitioner" sense) that I'll be able to keep motivated. If I'm not motivated, I won't revise, and the amount of material I have to learn means that I can't just cram for next term's papers.
The whole chiark IRC thing is still a PITA. I'm still worried that TPTB (i.e. Ian and David) will decide to ban this bot entirely. I think they're failing to realise that IRC is a social thing; OK so it can often be used for useful technical discussion, but it's also a social community (I cite things like #debian-devel as evidence that this isn't a bad thing). Accordingly, IMO bots that have social functions are not out of place. Ian, however has always had difficulty with the concept of using social convention to moderate behaviour - hence his dislike of Truth-Or-Dare, and so on - and so sees IRC as a technical communication medium where behaviour should be described by written rules. I don't think people generally agree with him and djsd, but Ian owns chiark, and still sees it as *his* system that should run to *his* rules. We'll see, but I'm a bit disappointed at my inability to just forget about it.
The current housing-faff is all rather up in the air too. Christi is moving out of Greenend soon, and I'll then be able to see the room I'd be getting there. It's quite small apparantly, and I'm worried about storage space (or lack thereof) - I have lots of books, and quite a bit of clothing (especially when you count walking boots, sports wear and veterinary gear). Peter and Owen are trying to encourage me to move to Greenend, but their suggestion of putting extra stuff in the beer room will, I expect, fall flat with Steve. It's also really quite a lot more expensive than the Empire, and I don't want to pay lots more money for worse accomodation. The alternative is to live with Jon and Sarah (and possibly a. n. other, maybe Vicky); they're great people, but I'm not sure how living as a third party with a couple would work. There's also the issue in that case of where - stay at the Empire (not a bad place, quite cheap, long way from everywhere), or move (2 month's notice at the Empire, possibly more expensive, faff of moving, possibly larger and or more convenient). And Pete's getting a bit touchy about it all too.
Then there's the whole being single thing. I'm being a right prat about it ATM. "So what's new? " I hear you cry :p. The difficulty seems to be in telling my subconscious {why do people always blame their crapnesses on their subconscious? It seems daft to me, but I'll do it anyway} that "poly, attached and possibly interested" == "unavailable", since I'm monogamous. I have no regrets about it - I'm monogamous, and that's all there is to it. I'm aware this probably puts me in the 19th century as far as relationships are concerned, but it's the way I am (and possibly influenced by my theology). Whoever I end up in a relationship with (regardless of gender), I'm always thinking in terms of a commited monogamous relationship (eventually, if it all works out. YKWIM). This bit is OK. Unfortunatly, I have a bad habit of (particularly when under the influence) attempting to pull unsuitable people, presumably for a short-term fling. I thought I'd got over that sort of behaviour, since it was making me very lonely and unhappy when I last went through a phase of "anything that moves, single or otherwise". And of course, my attentions are just embarrasing for the unfortunate targets. Thankfully, one of these people ranted at me this morning, which seems to have got me to my senses again. I just hope I've not offended too many people too badly. Maybe I can now get back to being bitter and single again with dignity :)
Did I mention theology somewhere in that lot? Jolly good. You see, I have some expectation of how people should behave towards one another (love thy neighbour, and all that); I'm disappointed when others fall short of this, and I'm bitterly disappointed in how badly I've been failing in this regard recently. I seem to have been almost secularising my life, and acting only for my own selfish self-interest. I need to get "back to basics", if you like, and re-align my actions with my Christian ideals. That might sound like pretentious waffly shite, and in this day and age being religious is rather unfashionable, I'll admit, but Christianity is important to me, and if people like Br. Samuel can be such excellent Christians, I feel I should be trying rather harder. We'll see.
Anyway, that's far too much waffle for one entry - I shall go and do something more productive now...
So, I'm engaging in a little navel-gazing, particularly having irritated two friends last night; ironically, one I offended by being too close, the other by being too distant. Bah
I think I need to actually sit down and sort out some direction in my life, *again*. I've been drifting along for some time now without having to, and having a LDR helped in that regard - life might have been difficult, but at least it was predictably so. Now I've got to decide on my elective for next year (which has considerable career directions), and sort out my social life before I *really* offend people.
On the elective front, clinical anaesthesia is looking like a good option - there are some interesting visits, and anaesthetics are quite funky things (even before you get onto opioid analgesics :). I'm not sure if it's a doss-elective or one of those that leads onto internships/PhD opportunities, I'm going to enquire of the organiser, and hope it's the latter. I also need to ring up Stornoway, since they're apparantly ignoring my letters, and see if I can actually arrange some OVS work with them - since I *must* have that sorted by the time I sit my Part II exams next term. Then my work-uncertainty will be sorted for now. Or at least, I'll know what I have to do in the next 18 months or so. There's still the uncertainty of whether I'll pass next term's exams, and whether I can deal with a year of clinical rotations - I'm just not sure enough I want to be a vet (in the "general practitioner" sense) that I'll be able to keep motivated. If I'm not motivated, I won't revise, and the amount of material I have to learn means that I can't just cram for next term's papers.
The whole chiark IRC thing is still a PITA. I'm still worried that TPTB (i.e. Ian and David) will decide to ban this bot entirely. I think they're failing to realise that IRC is a social thing; OK so it can often be used for useful technical discussion, but it's also a social community (I cite things like #debian-devel as evidence that this isn't a bad thing). Accordingly, IMO bots that have social functions are not out of place. Ian, however has always had difficulty with the concept of using social convention to moderate behaviour - hence his dislike of Truth-Or-Dare, and so on - and so sees IRC as a technical communication medium where behaviour should be described by written rules. I don't think people generally agree with him and djsd, but Ian owns chiark, and still sees it as *his* system that should run to *his* rules. We'll see, but I'm a bit disappointed at my inability to just forget about it.
The current housing-faff is all rather up in the air too. Christi is moving out of Greenend soon, and I'll then be able to see the room I'd be getting there. It's quite small apparantly, and I'm worried about storage space (or lack thereof) - I have lots of books, and quite a bit of clothing (especially when you count walking boots, sports wear and veterinary gear). Peter and Owen are trying to encourage me to move to Greenend, but their suggestion of putting extra stuff in the beer room will, I expect, fall flat with Steve. It's also really quite a lot more expensive than the Empire, and I don't want to pay lots more money for worse accomodation. The alternative is to live with Jon and Sarah (and possibly a. n. other, maybe Vicky); they're great people, but I'm not sure how living as a third party with a couple would work. There's also the issue in that case of where - stay at the Empire (not a bad place, quite cheap, long way from everywhere), or move (2 month's notice at the Empire, possibly more expensive, faff of moving, possibly larger and or more convenient). And Pete's getting a bit touchy about it all too.
Then there's the whole being single thing. I'm being a right prat about it ATM. "So what's new? " I hear you cry :p. The difficulty seems to be in telling my subconscious {why do people always blame their crapnesses on their subconscious? It seems daft to me, but I'll do it anyway} that "poly, attached and possibly interested" == "unavailable", since I'm monogamous. I have no regrets about it - I'm monogamous, and that's all there is to it. I'm aware this probably puts me in the 19th century as far as relationships are concerned, but it's the way I am (and possibly influenced by my theology). Whoever I end up in a relationship with (regardless of gender), I'm always thinking in terms of a commited monogamous relationship (eventually, if it all works out. YKWIM). This bit is OK. Unfortunatly, I have a bad habit of (particularly when under the influence) attempting to pull unsuitable people, presumably for a short-term fling. I thought I'd got over that sort of behaviour, since it was making me very lonely and unhappy when I last went through a phase of "anything that moves, single or otherwise". And of course, my attentions are just embarrasing for the unfortunate targets. Thankfully, one of these people ranted at me this morning, which seems to have got me to my senses again. I just hope I've not offended too many people too badly. Maybe I can now get back to being bitter and single again with dignity :)
Did I mention theology somewhere in that lot? Jolly good. You see, I have some expectation of how people should behave towards one another (love thy neighbour, and all that); I'm disappointed when others fall short of this, and I'm bitterly disappointed in how badly I've been failing in this regard recently. I seem to have been almost secularising my life, and acting only for my own selfish self-interest. I need to get "back to basics", if you like, and re-align my actions with my Christian ideals. That might sound like pretentious waffly shite, and in this day and age being religious is rather unfashionable, I'll admit, but Christianity is important to me, and if people like Br. Samuel can be such excellent Christians, I feel I should be trying rather harder. We'll see.
Anyway, that's far too much waffle for one entry - I shall go and do something more productive now...
thoughtful