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Have you ever felt completely and uttery shafted? That you're screwed no matter what you do? That it's all so flipping inevitable? Then you have some idea of what I'm feeling now.
There is no way I can look over, never mind learn, all the subjects I'm being examined on tommorow (never mind thursday's papers). Even if I work at it all night (which no doubt I'll end up doing), there just isn't the time to try and read notes from this number of lectures. So I must try, and nearly destroy myself from lack of sleep in the process, knowing full well that when the results come out in a week and a bit's time I'll have failed, and the last two years of hard grind, tedium, blood and shit will have been a complete waste. I'll be just another science graduate, with a couple of wasted years lost against my peers who graduated and went out and got real jobs. Of course, this is nicely self-furfilling, since the overwhelming despaire is almost paralysing - I sit down to work, and it's just too depressing to look at the volume of stuff I must do before I can sleep tonight. It's all so futile.
To cap it all, there are other things I have to get done too, other things to occupy my time when I should be working (ignoring a minute the distractions that I engage in to try not to go completely barking). I have to book a room for a speaker meeting I don't even want to go to, because the rest of the committee can't be bothered to get off its collective arse to do anything without me having to scream at them or hand-hold them all the fucking way. Sorry, I should point out that one member of the committee did establish that their college had no suitable rooms.
And no, it doesn't help that I should have started earlier when I was seeing practice, that I shouldn't have got myself elected as chairbeing, that I should have been working instead of trying to sort out the house, or anything like that. It's too late for remourse now, only time for despair and anger and pain. And the inevitable panic tommorow, and the shame of having to tell people I've failed.
There is no way I can look over, never mind learn, all the subjects I'm being examined on tommorow (never mind thursday's papers). Even if I work at it all night (which no doubt I'll end up doing), there just isn't the time to try and read notes from this number of lectures. So I must try, and nearly destroy myself from lack of sleep in the process, knowing full well that when the results come out in a week and a bit's time I'll have failed, and the last two years of hard grind, tedium, blood and shit will have been a complete waste. I'll be just another science graduate, with a couple of wasted years lost against my peers who graduated and went out and got real jobs. Of course, this is nicely self-furfilling, since the overwhelming despaire is almost paralysing - I sit down to work, and it's just too depressing to look at the volume of stuff I must do before I can sleep tonight. It's all so futile.
To cap it all, there are other things I have to get done too, other things to occupy my time when I should be working (ignoring a minute the distractions that I engage in to try not to go completely barking). I have to book a room for a speaker meeting I don't even want to go to, because the rest of the committee can't be bothered to get off its collective arse to do anything without me having to scream at them or hand-hold them all the fucking way. Sorry, I should point out that one member of the committee did establish that their college had no suitable rooms.
And no, it doesn't help that I should have started earlier when I was seeing practice, that I shouldn't have got myself elected as chairbeing, that I should have been working instead of trying to sort out the house, or anything like that. It's too late for remourse now, only time for despair and anger and pain. And the inevitable panic tommorow, and the shame of having to tell people I've failed.
depressed
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i wish i could wave a magic wand and make all the stressed/depressed/fucked-up people (most definitely including me) feel better all of a sudden.
-m-
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But since the message in question has been scrubbed from all but vague memory, there's not much else to discuss but subjective rememberings. So... *shrug*
Hmm
Your post reminded me of a friend at school who was always convinced she would fail, yet she often passed with flying colours. Also reminds me of myself at A-level and uni, where I understood very little, and revised even less... At least you are trying. You are reading some of the texts. Which means there is a chance the exams will be on either what you are consciously revising or what you have subconsciously learnt over the terms/years. The brain takes in more than we think... but you're the science student, you know this :-)
Hugs are offered if you'd like them, as are RL ones if you have time between brain-cramming sessions.
Good luck and whatever you do, don't worry about what other people will think of your result. The important thing is that you've tried... and you have.
Cliches over...
Good luck my friend
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